MTV acknowledges/ Promotes ADD

From Today's New York Times...

It seems that in order to capitalize on the over-activity of the minds of today's youth, MTV Networks is going to provide multiple simultaneous ways for viewers to watch their programming.....confused? You know how young ones are always IM'ing, while at the same time, listening to music, surfing the net, and watching tv??? Well, MTV is providing interactive internet media to correspond with their popular programming including Total Request Live, and the MTV Video Music Awards.

The Overdrive component, located at mtv.com, will feature a sort of video digression that will continue to stream live while the television show is broadcasting commercials. For example, if a viewer wants to watch an entire music video after a snippet is shown on the "Total Request Live" video countdown, or take a backstage tour with Jamie Foxx after he finishes his onstage appearance on the set of "T.R.L." (as the show is familiarly known), Overdrive will be the place to turn.
Get Full Story Here

If you ask me, the idea is a little arrogant. Why would I multi-task in order to do the same thing multiple times? Isnt that an oxymoron? I mean, I will fold laundry while watching General Hospital on soapnet at night, with one eye on the computer to continue a convo with a pal via IM, but those are 3 goals being accomplished! Its like drinking slim fast WITH your meal.....only one of the two is necessary, right?

Whatever, Im sure the ADD laden leaders of our future will adapt well to "Overdrive". Gone forever are the nice games of kick the can and stick ball, like we used to play when I was a kid. Hey, it was suburban Michigan in the 80s.....

Oops....

TSG has reported that DEA Agent Lee Paige (not related to me at all) has filed a federal lawsuit against the U.S. government for "improperly, illegally, willfully and/or intentionally" releasing a video of him accidentally shooting himself in the foot during a gun safety demonstration in front of small school children and their parents.

Paige had just gotten through saying how he was the only person in the room with the skillz required to handle the weapon, which was supposed to be unloaded, when he shot his own foot!

THEN, this guy has the balls to keep going with the presentation, limping around like it aint no thang, and using his incident as an example of the mistakes that can take place in the presence of guns! He even orders an assistant to bring out a BIGGER gun to demonstrate with next!!

The kids are the only ones who display any common sense at all by expressing their concern and distrust over the next weapon, and the maniacal agent. One kid even shouts sternly, "Put it down!", and parents begin dragging their children out of the room.

embarrassing? Naaaahhh, Im sure you're still a well respected DEA Agent, Mr. Paige. Oh, those rubber bullets? Those are just what we're using now cuz the budget's been cut. And, due to a miraculous disappearance of all actual dangerous crime in the nation yesterday, you're being transferred to an ultra sensitive and important security project at Nanny Muffin's Nursery School where you will be guarding the chocolate milk supply from the chubby kids before lunch time.












I know, I know, you're impressed with the likeness between my MS Paint version and the real one!!

No more POT TARTS for you!

That's right I said "Pot Tarts".

Teenage 7-11 employees, gangsta rappers, and college underachievers everywhere hung their heads with grief last week when DEA agents busted an Oakland, California drug operation who's trade was cleverly re-naming common snacks and treats which they altered by adding Marijuana to the recipe.

Thanks to TSG, I am posting pictures of some of the confiscated goods below. These are real treats, which have been sold in California for quite a while, and are only now being shunned. Can't these people look the other way, and give the operators of Beyond Bomb a break and some points for creativity? Ok, I know I know, its illegal! Whatever.....enjoy

A Note to People with Money.....

SPEND IT, GIVE IT AWAY, F'ING EAT IT FOR ALL I CARE, but don't leave it for your lawyers to deal with after you're gone, because if you do, a fairy will lose her wings and Talia will cry at work!(my apologies to successful estate attorneys who actually enjoy this miserable crap)

Here are the reasons why you should spend your money before you die:
1.) Your money WILL NOT end up going to the people you name in your will
2.) Your money WILL end up going to lawyers, accountants, appraisers, court costs, and worst of all....THE IRS
3.) Your surviving family members will be bothered for years with phone calls, interrogations, painful reminders of their loss of you, and ridiculous requirements of all surrogate's courts
4.) Dont even think about testamentary trusts with income to all your neighbors for life and remainder to charity! These give poor first year attorneys a migraine, grey hair, and 10 extra lbs due to chocolate consumption!

What you should do:
1.) Live extravagantly during your lifetime.
2.) Give your grandchildren large gifts for every birthday, holliday, etc.
3.) Pre-pay your funeral costs
4.) If you've still got anything left after items # 1-3 give me a call and I'll put your money to good use!

Deep breath........stretch...........ok, enough ranting and back to friggin probating (gag)..........

If I were a judge....

THIS is the kind of thing that I would do!





















THE SMOKING GUN has reported that a Texas Bankruptcy Judge recently quoted a line from Adam Sandler's Billy Madison, in his opinion dismissing a motion which he deemed incomprehensible!

In a footnote, the judge stated:

"Or in the words of the competition judge to Adam Sandler's title character in the movie, 'Billy Madison', after Billy Madison had responded to a question with an answer that sounded superficially reasonable but lacked any substance,

Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I've ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response was there anything that could even be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Deciphering motions like the one presented here wastes valuable chamber staff time, and invites this sort of footnote."


Bravo, Your Honor! That's one of my favorite movies of all time! :)

Office Games!

I was thinking...... you know how when we were younger we would play those games where you have to walk on the furniture, and prevent your feet from touching the ground because if they did then you would be stepping in red hot lava or you would trigger a bomb that would explode and kill us all?

Well, I think its pretty clear that kids are way less bored with life and definitely less grumpy than adults, and WHY? Well obviously its because they do fun things like play the floor is lava game!

Why don't we play games like that in the office to spice up the day a bit and get rid of some of that office aggression? For example:

1. Floor is lava game at work: Walk on the desks and chairs to visit your co-workers, get to the bathroom, etc. If someone's feet touch the ground accidentally, then scream at the top of your lungs, feign a dramatic death, and lie on the ground for 5 full minutes.

2. Cooties game: Secretly designate one of your colleagues as having "cooties", then try to avoid touching him or his desk items at all cost. If someone touches the cootie guy then point at him, giggle, and shout "You've got cooties, you've got cooties!" Never eat near or share food with the cootie guy.

3. Doorknob: Randomly shout "DOORKNOB" in the office so that everyone can hear you and then immediately start punching your co-workers till they can make it to a doorknob and touch it to save themselves.
Nick's Suggestion: I would shout something like "self-realization" so I could punch people for longer! Let 'em try to find that!

4. Criss Cross (probably equates to sexual harassment in the workplace so there will have to be a waiver everyone must sign before playing) you take your co-workers off guard by grabbing their hand when he/she least expects it and trace as many Xs on the palm with your finger as you can before he/ she can wiggle free. THEN for every X that you were able to trace on that person's hand, he/she MUST touch the butt of another co-worker of the opposite sex.

Wouldn't office life be more fun if it was like 5th grade recess?

Freedom of Religion at its best

A few of my friends are taking the bar exam this week and I wish them all the very best of luck. In their honor, here is a little snippet of Constitutional Law for you.....

















Supreme Court Rules in Favor of Church's Use of Hallucinogenic Tea
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
Published: February 21, 2006

WASHINGTON (AP) -- "The Supreme Court ruled unanimously Tuesday that a small congregation in New Mexico may use hallucinogenic tea as part of a four-hour ritual intended to connect with God."...

"The tea, which contains an illegal drug known as DMT, is considered sacred to members of O Centro Espirita Beneficiente Uniao do Vegetal, which has a blend of Christian beliefs and South American traditions. Members believe they can understand God only by drinking the tea, which is consumed twice a month at four-hour ceremonies."

Full Story from NY Times Here

MYSPACE AWARENSS

It is no secret that I have joined the masses of others in our generation who have become somewhat obsessed with myspace and blogging in general. Why do we feel compelled to display our thoughts, and our likenesses for all the world to see? Are we exploiting ourselves, trying to create an identity that is far from reality, or simply trying to express our inner creativity?

I don't have answers to these questions, and I doubt that you visited my blog today for a philosoply lecture, but I recommend reading an article about our myspace photos, from today's New York Times.... a few exerpts from which I have posted below.

Its an interesting read for a myspacers and non-myspacers alike. Did YOU take your current profile picture yourself? I did.... read on......

Here I Am Taking My Own Picture
By ALEX WILLIAMS
Published: February 19, 2006

"'Self-branding is a big deal for kids, and self-produced entertainment is a big deal,' Mr. Taylor said. In their pictures, ordinary young women metamorphose into glamour queens or pinup girls, thanks to a few well-rehearsed come-hither poses and mood lighting reminiscent of an old Hollywood studio portrait. Average boys turn themselves into brooding antiheroes by gazing intently into their camera lens in a darkened room, face half buried in shadow."

(This is interesting):

"This month the attorney general of Connecticut, Richard Blumenthal, promised an investigation into MySpace, spurred by complaints of parents that minors could have access to sexual images on the site or could post suggestive pictures that could make them vulnerable to sexual predators. Members have included pictures of themselves in scanty attire or suggestive poses. For many, MySpace functions as a dating site.
But the operators of the Web site, which is owned by the News Corporation, the media conglomerate controlled by Rupert Murdoch, insist that a third of the work force is devoted to policing the site for inappropriate material. Offending members can be banned from the network, and MySpace says it will contact law enforcement officials in serious cases."